


The Emperor’s Dragon

by sherwoodfox



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, Greedling - Freeform, Light Angst, Mild Sexual Content, Non-binary character, Other, Referenced Suicidal Tendancies, Self-Esteem Issues, Sibling Incest, Some Mature Language, Trust Issues, Xing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2019-10-20 00:16:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17611805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherwoodfox/pseuds/sherwoodfox
Summary: The Promised Day is long past, and the world has changed, everything that was worked for is gone. Xing’s young emperor has powers unimagined by his people, and his personality changes by the hour like the sky outside.Jealousy, without a shield of put-on superiority, is a vulnerable kind of emotion.





	1. Charming

A sudden and hot pain bloomed in Envy’s chest, red on the insides of their eyelids, red like their burning stone heart, where the pain was coming from. In the back of their tongue and throat they tasted iron, thick and warm, and lines of spastic numbness shot through their hands and thighs and belly like the cracking of a whip. They were sure they made a sound, but whether it was a gasp or a growl they didn't know, the hearing from their left ear had been removed and replaced by a high, clear ringing, it distracted them.

“Apologies,” said the wiseman (the _alchemist,_ or whatever they called it here) but he made no gesture to remove the thin, 15-inch needle he had inserted into their core, the thing that had caused the shock in the first place. He did, however, record their reaction on his parchment- or at least, that's what they thought he was doing, they couldn't read the sharp and boxlike characters that was the writing of Xing, so they lost interest in it quickly. It did nothing to distract them from the pain.

Their eyes drifted across the room in search of something to hold on to, the patterned silk drapes or the delicately painted vases and bowls and sleek wood surfaces where the scientists laid out their tools, the powders and poisons and slender pins for stretching, the nerve-racking needles, the tip of one such device where it entered their chest. No, they wrenched their gaze up to the ceiling instead, they hated seeing that, it made them nauseous to see their own skin peeled back and held open by delicate metal jaws, made them feel insecure to have their heart physically bared to the world, its red light reflecting in the silver metal and on the pale cheek of the old man who attended them, his white robe. What conclusions did he draw from this? They had no idea. He was bolder than most- now, he adjusted the angle of the needle in their core with a small measuring device (it looked something like a protractor, but not quite) and though that corrected the numbness and the ringing in their ear it also _hurt,_ pain the colour of snow flashing across their skin, and at the feeling they snarled.

They would like to kill this one, now, if they could.

They thought he rather sensed it- for a second the alchemist’s composure waivered, his clinical chill and vague arrogance cracking, the way a dogmaster’s would when one of his wards turned to bear teeth on him. This man could think he was in charge- and in truth, he was- but he could do nothing if they decided to rip his head off there and then, as they were or otherwise, with human jaws or bear paws or dragon claws. Make him suffer, the way they liked, they way they used to. The way they were suffering now. Oh, how much fun that would be.

But they wouldn't get away with it. _He_ would be very upset with them, and they would probably end up suffering even more.

Though, they could let the threat of it hover in the air, teeth slightly bared so he could see their points, white fingers digging into the finely carven wood on the armrests of the chair they sat upon, liable at any second to crack the antique craftsmanship and render it unrecognizable. A lie, the thought that they could do anything they wanted, but usually a convincing one to people like this. And even if they couldn't really do anything, they enjoyed watching the humans squirm.

The rest of the session was done with more care, the experiments less invasive and aimed at less sensitive sections of their core, and they liked how the muscles in the alchemist's jaw clenched ever so slightly whenever they expressed discomfort, now put off balance, unable to hide that he was afraid. 

And even though he was (comparatively) gentle, it was still a tremendous relief when he drew the needle out, the metal slid from their body with a faint, wet noise, and with it all of their muscles naturally relaxed, discomforts they hadn't been aware of slipping away like a veil, tension vanishing to replace itself with dull after-aches. How they hated this, being poked and prodded at like a strange animal born with two heads or three eyes, their heart made into a pincushion and their energies measured like raindrops in a glass. An experiment, a subhuman, so very different from what they had been before, when they had been the one standing outside the cage. And for whose benefit was all this?

The alchemist- alkhamest? whatever, who fucking cares- took a little too long packing up his equipment and Envy said something very vicious to him to make him leave, anything to hurry it up. There was a very deep ache inside that they couldn’t get at- unlike an itch or a cramp, it was too far inside to be soothed. They wanted to be alone. They were always so tired when these sessions were over with, and when he was gone it was a relief to curl into themself on the chair, pressing cold flesh to cold flesh, and close their eyes as though they would fall asleep. As they were now they were entirely “naked” (no fabricated clothes to disguise white skin, to make pretend modesty), with only long spines of dark green hair to cover them, not, of course, that there was anything there to really cover. When not prompted otherwise they left their body with an anatomy closer to that of a shop mannequin than a full human being of either sex, it felt cleaner to them, and more comfortable, though before they would have had no reason to think about the implications of nudity at all…

The door to the gilded chamber where Envy rested was opened again, they heard it, and sighed. They could feel a bit of a headache starting between their temples, and their stone was sensitive in their chest, having been treated too roughly. They didn't want to deal with this right now- and, as the new visitor had made no introduction, they knew exactly who it was. 

Or at least, they knew he was one of two people, and there was a roughly 50/50 chance right now of either. Like weather, those two were, the probability of storms or sunshine changed with the signs of the day and the language of the clouds. But Envy didn't want to go outside at all right now, regardless of the state of the sky.

A hand came down gently on the top of their head, a gesture for a pet.

“Something the matter, little beansprout?”

The Emperor it was, then. 

They unfolded their arms a little to look at him, they were sure their expression was resentful, but they were too tired to try and school it in any other direction. 

“I hate this,” they said, gesturing vaguely to the room around them, and though they had told him this often their voice held none of the usual venom. They were just explaining, after all, there was no sense in getting angry over something that wouldn't change.

Ling smiled at them with warm black eyes, patting their head again, letting his fingers trail a little through their hair.

“It's the only way to satisfy the court and you know it,” he said cheerfully, his voice pitched so it fell almost in song. “We can't have them experimenting on _us,_ after all.” A royal we, but not exactly, not in this case.

“And besides, it's a small price to pay, wouldn't you say?” 

The same old argument as before, the same argument they had heard every day since the little princess had brought them here in the jar, since the new Emperor of Xing- and, though this was a somewhat-kept secret, their _older brother-_ had ascended to his throne, since the Promised Day had failed and fallen to ashes and everything had broken apart like shapes made of sand between fingers. It was a small price to pay, said the court and Xing’s hungry scientists, for the life of the corrupted worm, for having the thing restored to strength and given comforts and a place to stay in a world that otherwise did not want it. Envy’s only value in life, as became clearer the longer they lived, was in their unnatural traits and abilities- whether to use them or try and understand them, no one wanted them around for anything else. And why would they? Jealousy was the ugliest human emotion. It served no good purpose in the wider world. It never had.

So they made no attempt to reply to his comment, any words that could have formed on their lips died before they could even be born in their mind. They found their gaze drawn to one of the vases in the corner, a thing of delicate china marked with a lotus pattern. It wasn't especially pretty, and they didn't even really like it, but it was inanimate and at eye-level and they didn't want to have to interact with Ling at all. They were hoping, vaguely, that he would leave and they would get sent back to their room, where they could go to sleep for a long, long time.

Because of this they didn't notice him move, and were a little startled when he dropped some fabric over their head, the discarded dress he liked to make them wear, instead of clothes of their own making and material. It was threaded in traditional Xing fashion and of dark red silk, apparently to complement their hair, and dragons of gold pleat thrashed across its surface. Not an ugly thing, but they would always be more comfortable in their own skin than anything of human design.

“Do get dressed. I want to see you at dinner tonight, alright?” chirped the Emperor, and Envy pulled the thing on slowly to manage the pain in their chest, and when they swept their hair up and out from under the high collar it was only with a twist of their lips downward, as the movement made air catch uncomfortably in their lungs. Dinner was a few hours from now- at least they could take a little nap before then.

That night they didn’t end up going to dinner, after all. They had slept right through it- not that it was their fault, really, they were just so tired. The world, though Xing was extravagant and beautiful in its cultural decor, was gray to their eyes. Upon collapsing on the huge, soft bed in the Emperor’s chambers (a thing that had been reinforced, more than once, to carry the weight of a monster) their eyes had closed almost unwillingly, the huge weight that they had been holding off all day finally fell upon them, a black boulder that consumed them entirely.

Though they barely remembered this, they had dreamed of falling into the floor, and sinking down to the center of the earth, where there was nothing. No life force, like a human heart, or their own aching core- just nothing. It had been a comforting dream.

They woke now to a change in the atmosphere- the bed dipped off to one side, they felt it as they stirred, and before their eyes could open there was a hand on their shoulder. A warm hand. Most people had warm hands. Envy was only ever cold. Pray tell, the forecast for today.

“How are you doing, babydoll?”

Storms. Envy didn’t care.

Greed tugged at them, and it was easier to roll over onto their back than to refuse him, like water following the path of least resistance upstream. After one more second of black luxury, they opened their eyes to see him.

Greed was always recognizable, even in the body of the prince. His being contorted those smooth features, made a dagger of a grin that would otherwise have been a sliver of moonshine, burned blackness until it turned purple. Purple, like Envy’s eyes, and they would once have thought ‘like everyone’, but now everyone was dead. 

“You missed dinner,” Greed said, and he climbed on top of them, his whole body solid and present and warm. Already wanting- for all he ever did was want- those burning hands made their way around their waist, then lower, squeezing the flesh of their thighs. They didn’t care that they’d missed dinner. They weren’t hungry. They were never hungry, neither they nor Greed needed to eat, only one of them had ever been hungry and he was long gone. 

Greed- unable, probably, to help himself- cupped their cheek in one hand and moved in to kiss them, long and hot and deep, he burned in comparison to their own skin, which was always cold. Lizard skin. 

An invasive thought occurred- they were an animal for experimenting on.

Something changed, and Greed pulled away, a new colour in his eyes. Why had he stopped kissing them? He never stopped. Had they done something wrong? What was that there in his face, that looked like weak human concern? They must be mistaking it. He had no reason to be caring, Envy had lost and he had won, and look at where they were now.

“What’s the matter, baby?” 

They looked at him for a little too long, the response was slow for some reason, their whole brain felt sluggish and flat. It seemed too much effort to say anything back to him, it was pointless.

“Nothing,” they said after a few too many seconds, and Greed’s expression shifted again but to what they didn’t know. Had he changed, Greed, when they weren’t looking? Had something happened to him? He had been gone from Father’s side for so long. He had never come back to them. Even during the endgame, when everyone was dying, he had never come back. 

Ah, they had enjoyed very much watching him die in the pot of lava. That had pleased them so much, it had lit a fire in every part of their body, why couldn’t they remember what that felt like now? To be so out of control, high on their own power. To laugh so hard it hurt-

Something must actually be wrong, they realized just then. This wasn’t right. Nevermind Greed, something must have happened to _them,_ their whole body felt so heavy, everything seemed so bleak, they didn’t understand-

They opened their mouth like they wanted to articulate this, but they didn’t know how, and for some reason Greed seemed to understand anyway.

“Did those fuckers mess something up inside?” he growled, somewhere between mischievous and protective. In the instant he reached the end of the sentence he took hold of the soft fabric of Envy’s dress and ripped it, splitting it wholly in two, exposing their bare chest, which now was as white and featureless as the rest of them. Something about that made a very distant part of their mind jump to attention, but it didn’t make it all the way up to the surface, a bubble held deep under black waters.

Greed put his hand on their chest, like he was feeling for a heartbeat, and grimaced. 

“Yeah, that’s not right,” he muttered. “You can feel it, can’t you? Something’s out of place, isn’t it, darling?”

Now that Envy thought about it, they kind of could, there was a sense of dimness coming from inside, the source of the weight. It was like there was a room full of lanterns, one room to light an entire mansion- but half of the doors leading to that room were shut, leaving the surrounding corridors darkened. Was this why they were so tired? Half of their being was still asleep, in a dream of the empty insides of the earth.

“No matter,” Greed said, and he licked his lips, and that thing deep inside Envy squirmed again, and they realized that they would have liked this kind of attention, before. They would have liked this kind of attention from anyone.

A blackness purer than any night sky covered Greed’s hand, the one with his marker, and he lifted the point of his index finger to the hollow between Envy’s collarbones (the make-believe ones, anyway). They knew what was going to happen, and underneath that exhausted feeling there was a white kind of electricity, something that should have been much more intense. Greed was not the ultimate spear, but he could make himself sharp enough.

The skin from Envy’s torso to navel split easily, a pair of red lips opened in the stocky pretend-muscle, and the feeling made them shiver all over. Without intending to, they whimpered. The urge to seal the thing back up again instantly was latent- that wave of healing magic didn’t come. They were suddenly vulnerable here, like a dying dog with their belly sliced open- no, there was a better analogy than that. They were like themself, like they were truly, helpless and paralyzed with a gaping mouth running all the way down their body, only now they didn’t even have any teeth. They hated it. They liked it a lot. Why hadn’t they tried to stop him?

Greed’s thumbs dug in and peeled the wound open further, something like blood welling up and spilling over, and Envy wanted to touch him but they couldn’t move. Was that genuine, or just a feeling? They didn’t know.

“Here we are,” he said softly, and Envy knew what he meant, they could see their own heart reflected in his eyes. They wanted to cry. They wanted to kiss him again.

“And yes, I think I see the problem,” Greed murmured. “This is just slightly...out of...place.”

Envy had an image of a ball joint sitting outside its socket, and then Greed touched them, oh! His fingers, so very warm, pushed gently against the gleaming stone in their chest, and they felt it in a way they had never felt anything. No one had ever touched them there before, not like that. With the Xing scientists it was always removed- cold metal in the place of hot flesh. And they would never have let anyone near, not ever before, not even that one time when they had offered it up to the FullMetal Pipsqueak to escape their dead brother’s stomach, they had guarded it jealously. This was so unlike anything, anything ever before.

Envy moaned without meaning to, feeling Greed’s fingers circle their heart a few times, and he laughed under his breath.

“You’re beautiful like this,” he said, and they opened their eyes again to look at his face, it was lit by their insides and soft with what could have been adoration. But Greed couldn’t adore Envy, that wasn’t right, was it? Yet he was looking at them- looking right at them, directly at the thing that made them everything they were, hell, touching it- and he didn’t turn away. He didn’t make a move to mock them for their weakness, didn’t laugh at them, call them pathetic or ugly. He would have, once. What could have changed? Envy didn’t know.

Because of this, they suddenly hated him, but it was still a pale hate compared to that which they reserved for themself.

Greed seemed fascinated by them like this, the expression on his face so open, somehow sweet. They didn’t know if they should doubt their own perceptions- they had always been good at reading human emotions, they needed to be in order to replicate them. But they must be wrong, now, they must have lost their touch, or maybe they were going crazy. Anything like that, it didn’t matter what, but they couldn’t be understanding this right. Just then, it looked a little like Greed might love them, and that was impossible.

“Stop playing and fix it,” they said, and it was such a huge effort to get the words out that they were born half-strangled, weak, not as commanding as Envy would have liked. They were so pathetic, weren’t they? Yet the usual disgust and shame that bit them during these times was dampened by the look on Greed’s face. 

If it was him (this they found themself thinking) that saw them this way, it somehow wasn't so bad. It was almost nice, how he touched them there. There was a war in their head between despair and pleasure, they didn’t know how to hold themself when they were so vulnerable.

“Alright, alright,” Greed said, a smile on his lips still, and he pushed against their core, a motion of down and up- instantly, the world was alight again, there was a tremendous pain followed by a wave of brightly coloured sensation, things they hadn’t even realized were dulled sharpening into focus. They were sure they cried out.

Greed removed his hand from their chest and they sealed it again, one wave of lightning leaving it as smooth and flawless as before. They were shaking much harder than before, breathing heavy, though there was no reason for them to do so.

“Better?” Greed asked, and his grin was so smug and self satisfied they instantly wanted to destroy him, and before they could think about it they kicked him hard enough to send him flying across the room.

“I HATE IT!” they shrieked, their voice deepening in their chest and the tips of their fingers turning green. “I HATE WHAT THEY DO TO ME!”

There were other things they wanted to say- I hate this place, I hate wearing real clothes, I hate you, I hate myself, I hate being vulnerable and I hate that you were gentle with me. None of these made it out individually, instead they all melted together into one monstrous roar, wordless because pure emotion of any kind could only ever be wordless. When they had no air left in their lungs they just sat on the bed and stared, and Greed stood up to brush himself off, laughing under his breath, like it didn’t matter.

“Okay, cutie,” he said, and they glared at him, but it didn’t work, it never did. When was the last time he had been truly angry with them, had treated them cruelly, like before? They couldn’t remember. He had gone away and never come back again, this Greed was such a different one from the thing in Envy’s memories. He wasn’t watching them just then- his eyes had gone out of focus, frowning slightly, a sure sign he was talking to the other man living inside his head.

“We’ll stop the experiments for a while,” he said slowly. “They’re clearly wearing you out. You need some time to recover…”

Envy growled again, a sound too deep to come naturally from the chest they gave themself now, but they were interrupted by a sharp knocking on the bedroom doors.

“Your majesty?” a human voice called, muffled by the wood.

“Come in,” said Greed- no, that wasn’t Greed. Like an optical illusion, those two were, with just a turn of the head the image changed, leaving the viewer dizzy. Ling held himself straighter than Greed, his shoulders pulled back, princely. His smile was not as savage.

The voice from beyond the door entered- a man, dressed in servants clothing, round and soft looking, with dewy skin. 

“We heard- something- from in here,” he said, stilted, his eyes flickered like they wanted to look at Envy (who was still naked, fangs half-bared on the bed) but couldn’t, for propriety or fear, or something. “Is everything alright?”

Ling laughed, and it was such a clear sound in comparison to Greed’s voice, like the ringing of a single bell. “Everything is lovely, thank you! I was playing with my dragon. No need for concern.”

Envy squirmed inside at that, but the servant quickly bowed out, relieved he was to go, of course. When the door was shut they went back to glaring at Ling, who just smiled, smug and satisfied, like a goose sitting on a golden egg. 

“Why did you call me that?” they grumbled. Their insides were twisting about as always, looking for a way to feel inferior, to desire to be something else. Xing’s dragons were beautiful, fluid creatures with scales like gemstones and pearls of wisdom under their chins; they swirled through the air like a strip of cloth in the hand of a ribbon dancer. Envy couldn’t live up to a name like that.

“Dragons are a symbol of power here in Xing,” Ling said, now closing the distance between them. “Are you not the same? My charming pet dragon.”

He kissed their forehead lightly, and then their lips, running quick fingers down their hair.

“Now,” he continued, and his voice held just a hint of a slightly different timbre, and when Envy looked his eyes seemed both deeper and lighter, more than one colour held to the surface, like layers of stained glass overlapping. Two souls speaking as one.

“...let’s finish what we started.”


	2. The Golden Ball

The ball Envy held in their hands now was made of pure gold. It had a soft weight to it, and the surface was slightly warm from where it had been sitting in the sun. It was perfectly balanced, just like the red carpeted floor- proven in how it rolled in a completely straight line.

Envy was alone in the grand entrance hall of the palace, with its high muraled walls and domed roof, the huge sculpted pillars and rows of polished artefacts. Around these pillars wrapped the winding figures of Xing dragons, each one meticulously carved from stone- was that what they were supposed to look like? The frozen stone eyes were unsettling.

This whole place was unsettling, with no one in it. Envy’s very breathing had a faint echo to it. Every movement was conspicuous. It was like the old emperors in the paintings were listening. Envy wondered what Greed would do if they were to take their claws to those paintings- scrape out the ears and eyes so the dead men could no longer sense them. It probably wouldn’t be any good. No, that would go too far. And they didn’t really want to do it, anyway.

The golden ball was not an artefact, it was a gift Greed had given them. Like they were a princess from one of the old Amestrian fairytales. Maybe they were like that, but also more- the princess and the dragon simultaneously. Did that make Greed the handsome prince?

If it were so, he would have to kill them before he could marry them. So that was that.

They lay across the carpet with their legs split wide, rolling the ball back and forth between their hands, the way a cat would play with a ball of yarn- and as they did it, their chest ached with that horrible kind of fruitless impatience, the feeling of wanting to do something when there was nothing to do. 

At these times the events of the Promised Day and those leading up to it boiled and bubbled behind their eyes, distorted flickers they tried to suppress. They had already worked out what they could have done better- what they could have done better from the day they had been born. To think, if only they had just kept quiet for once, if only they had been cleverer once, if only they hadn’t been so _pathetic_ maybe it all would have been different. Maybe Father would have won, and their siblings would still be alive, and Lust could have been brought back and Greed would have been convinced and all would have been well…

...or maybe not. Maybe Father would have destroyed them, just like Greed had said he would.

And underneath those sticky-white, achy feelings, Envy knew it wouldn’t have been well. Even if everything had turned out perfectly, and Father had loved them at last, Envy wouldn’t have been happy. They weren’t capable of being happy. They always wanted what they couldn’t have- either because they had lost it, or because it had never been theirs to begin with.

And now they couldn’t even handle it the way they used to- Greed and his Xingese friends had them here on a leash, they couldn’t get violent with his property, and so now they had no one to take it out on but _themselves._

Envy batted the golden ball too hard and it slipped passed their catching hand, rolling down the center of the red carpet and towards the huge double doors on the other side of the hall.

Greed knew what this was doing to them, surely. He was probably laughing at them, behind the Emperor’s bright black eyes. He hated them- he had hated them, before he had left with his chimera friends, and why should that change now? He probably _liked_ seeing them suffer like this. They had made the mistake of not killing themselves in the tunnels when Mustang had been after them, and now Greed was taking advantage of that. It was the only explanation they could think of- the only reason why they could believe they were still alive.

So Greed was acting pretty strangely, with that considered. Why had he put their stone back in place that night, seeing how it weakened them? Why had he suspended the examinations for them? It didn’t make sense. And that look he got in his eyes- it made them _angry,_ it made them burn black inside. Such a tender look. And how he held on after sex, like it mattered that _they_ were the one he had fucked, like it couldn’t have been just anyone. Greed acted like he loved them, and that made them so angry it felt like they could vomit fire without even needing to change shape.

It was a bad joke. No one could ever love Envy.

It seemed a lot of effort to go after the ball where it came to a stop at the front door, but they did it anyway. Without the weight their hands felt somehow empty.

The ball had cooled down to the touch. There was nothing in this hall to warm it. And there was so little light in here with none of the high lanterns lit, it didn’t sparkle the way gold could. 

Envy lit another little fire in their chest, summoning deliberately more spiteful thoughts- and why should they have to hide in the dark like some slimy salamander? Who cared if processions were being done in the gardens? If they wanted to go outside where the people were, they damn well would.

(They said this to themself even though their solitude in the chamber had been self-imposed. That morning, when Greed had said the gardens would be toured, they had somehow felt afraid of being seen.)

Outside, the air was especially sweet. It was midsummer in Xing, which was very beautiful, certainly prettier than most of Amestris. Though maybe the Emperor’s garden was a misleading example, having hundreds of staff to tend to it every day. The thing was monstrously huge, extending far beyond the palace, divided into sections upon sections for various artistic displays of nature.

Envy liked the rock garden part the most, especially under the summer sun. Very well, they were a lizard, and so of course they liked to sun themself. And that place was nice because there wasn’t so much green to look at. To get there, Envy turned themself into a large eagle, so they could fly and bring their ball with them.

The rocks in the garden were wonderfully warm to the touch. Under a sun like this one, they caught the heat and glowed with it- something like this would have probably been uncomfortable for human skin, even capable of burning. But such heat just made Envy sleepy, in a comfortable kind of way. Back in their preferred form they stretched out on the garden’s huge, flat centerpiece, a perfect circle of granite surrounded by spiraling lines of smooth, small stones. The gold ball shimmered in the light the way they had wanted it to. Was it worth making the move out here? They supposed so. 

Still, their insides itched. Father hadn’t tolerated lazy play like this, that was why Greed had always gotten in trouble. But there was no mission they were supposed to be fulfilling, not now.

It didn’t take much of the heat to turn their limbs into putty and all their joints to air. It was kind of nice. This was the closest Envy could ever get to being warm-blooded, like all their other siblings. Like humans. Was this what people felt like all the time? They doubted it, people couldn’t possibly feel this way, the warmth settled in so deep it made Envy’s thoughts turn slow and soft around the edges, like porridge…

After that, they slept.

It was evening when they woke again, the sun had begun to peel away from the center of the sky, turning the edges of things purple. In the garden, chains of fairylights had been lit to mark the walking paths. The rocks had cooled down enough to wake them, and vaguely, they resented that.

As Envy’s consciousness expanded they became aware of the sweet smell in the air, the clarity of the light, and soft murmurs of voices, the shuffling sounds of clothing. Confused, they turned their head, and saw a young boy standing at the edge of the granite circle, dark eyes wide and limbs frozen, like a burglar photographed mid-heist. He was dressed the way poor people dressed for special events in this country, and the bangs of his black hair crept into his eyes. What kind of expression was that on his face? Something a little like fear, but also like wonder.

Envy didn’t like being snuck up on. They growled at the boy, peeling their lips back over sharp white teeth, and it was satisfying to watch him run. That was the most mischief they could get up to, these days.

Sitting up, though, Envy realized that the boy hadn’t been alone. The rock garden had quite an audience- or maybe Envy did. The people of Xing crowded the walking paths, all dressed in working class clothes, staring and murmuring to each other. The boy had run back to his mother, and clutched at her robes.

Envy’s first instinct, of course, was to feel bad about this. Were these people judging them? By what right? What did they see that was so _amusing?_ Humans loved to stare at what disgusted them, two-headed fetuses and old men with elephant skin and worms that wriggled in jars…

The surge of hateful feelings blinded them for a moment, made them feel sick, and they had to shake their head to remember. They weren’t a worm right now. In fact, like this, they were very pretty. And these peasants knew nothing of that, they thought...oh yes, they thought Envy was a _dragon._

They had heard that much, in rumour.

In spite of everything, Envy suddenly smiled. These people weren’t looking down on them, couldn’t be looking down on them, they were in _awe._ The boy must have been approaching to touch them for good luck, when no one else had dared. And weren’t they lovely like this? In the fading natural light their skin appeared especially white, purer than any of the marble in the rock garden, and the green in their hair stood out. They were a marvel.

Envy laid back down on the rock so their hair spread out and tossed the golden ball in the air, catching it, pretending to be nonchalant. Acting like they didn’t even notice all the attention, like they didn’t _crave_ it. The soft whispers of the people ebbed and flowed like the tide, following not the moon but instead every movement Envy made. So they stretched, and tossed the ball, and played with their hair, reveling in the fact that these tiny, worthless humans admired them, and knew completely what they were because no one and nothing else would dare behave so carelessly in the sacred gardens of the Emperor. 

It was a pity when the darkness became too much- with evening, clouds had started to settle in the sky, making it a moonless night, and one that predicted rain. Using a few adjustments to their visual system Envy could see fine under such conditions, but these humans were different. Some were already beginning to leave. The show was coming to an end- so they would let that end be spectacular.

Lazily, Envy stood, trying to hide the smile on their face, and holding the golden ball in one hand they let themself change. Expanding and elongating, turning white skin to emerald scales, arms and legs curling in and sprouting black claws, tailbone launching out to become a tail in full. Their face stretched forwards, becoming a snout lined with wicked teeth, and for the fun of it they let a pearl appear under their chin, though they doubted anyone who knew them would ever call them _wise._

When they were done, the air smelled like lightning, and all the people were struck dumb. Envy savoured the expressions on their faces, curling through the air in delicate little circles, the very picture of the dragons that reared their heads across Xingese artwork of every form.

It was nice, being looked at like this.

And it was even nicer, flying this way- like swimming, only through the air. Like a ribbon in the wind they coiled up and up, over the heads of the trembling crowd, and from there they floated back to the palace, listening to the shouts of those who saw them until they were out of earshot.

Back in the Emperor’s chambers- slipping through an open balcony window- they became their typical self again, and laughed, even though there was no one there to hear them.

“Idiots!” they cackled. “People like that will believe anything! What fools…”

What utter fools. Envy was not a dragon. 

They were an abomination, and a powerless one, at that.

They tossed the golden ball onto the bed, suddenly feeling the cold, even though it wasn’t really that cold inside anyway. Those kinds of thoughts always ruined things. Without something to do- wars to fight, people to kill, missions- they couldn’t keep them out.

The door to the bedroom opened, and Ling poked his head through, Envy recognized him instantly from the colour of the smile on his face.

“There you are, beansprout,” he said cheerfully. “I haven’t seen you all day. Though I’ve heard some others have.”

“Uh-huh,” was all they said, with the chill in their fingers they were disarmed by the brightness of the look on his face.

“Yes. I’ve gotten a few reports saying that the royal dragon made an appearance in the gardens today.” Ling stepped closer, and Envy wondered what Greed was thinking, behind his eyes.

“I just took a nap,” they said, dull. “You know I like sleeping on the rocks.”

“Of course! How charming, the great serpent sunning herself in the garden.”

Ling put his hands around their waist and then retracted them, and even that little flutter of a touch was warm, and so while Envy opened their mouth to growl at him, it was half hearted. “I know, I know, not a her,” he said. “and I keep forgetting that I can’t lift you…”

The Emperor flopped down on the bed, kicking off his embroidered shoes. The window was still open, and outside the sun had truly set, leaving only the blue traces of its last rays in the sky. Envy realized that they didn’t know the time. Dinner must have already passed.

“I’m glad you did it, though,” Ling continued, picking up their golden ball in one hand. “I’m sure they got quite a show.”

He didn’t look at the ball for more than a second- he really wasn’t Greed- before meeting their eyes again, his brows coming together in his forehead, lips turning down. Envy hadn’t moved, and they knew they should close the window, the post-dusk air felt too close to freezing.

“Are you okay?” Ling asked, and his tone of voice was so genuine- Envy would know, they knew very well the sound of lies- that it did something to them they hadn’t been expecting, folding over a shell in their heart to expose some soft, slimy thing, like a river snail. They suddenly swayed on their feet, like they couldn’t hold up their own weight anymore, why was that?

“It’s a lie,” they said, because they couldn’t answer his question, they didn’t know the answer. “I’m not a dragon. Doesn’t that bother you?”

Ling seemed surprised by their question- they were too, they hadn’t really meant to ask it.

“Well,” he said stilted, “I don’t know. I’ve seen what you really look like and that’s...I mean, you kind of are. A dragon, I mean.”

Was Greed watching this? He had known them much longer than Ling, he must be able to tell how weak they were. They couldn’t even speak anymore, because they didn’t know what was going to happen if they did, and the silence went on too long.

“Is everything alright inside?” Ling suddenly asked, sitting up again, and his apparent concern was making them ache somewhere they couldn’t identify. “I mean, with your…?” he tapped his chest with one finger; his red, stone heart. “The other day, when it got messed up, you were all…”

“I don’t know,” they said before he could speak again, and that statement was so violently and all-consumingly true that they shocked themselves just hearing it. They hadn’t realized what they had been going to say, hadn’t understood that the center of the rotting thing inside them was a seed as simple as that. They put both hands to their chest, almost afraid, because now the slimy thing was not only flipped over, it had been deshelled completely, and was writhing in the open air. They didn’t have a heartbeat that could be felt.

“What do you mean?” Ling asked, and they shook their head.

“I don’t know what to do, Greed,” they gasped, their voice didn’t come out all the way, like they didn’t have enough air or like all the air was trapped inside them. “And how do you? How are you _fine_ with all this? Everyone is _dead,_ and the plan _failed_ , and everything we were meant to do- they very reason we _exist_ \- is _meaningless.”_

With the fluidity of water flowing downstream, Ling’s posture shifted, and his eyes turned from a bright black to a burning purple. Despite that, the frown- the worried expression- stayed. Greed patted the bed beside him with one hand, a gesture they knew well.

“Come sit down, baby,” he said, and he pitched his voice soft and low, like he was talking to an injured animal- and that made Envy back away, they shook their head again, this time meaning it.

“No, I can’t do it,” they said, even though it hurt. “I can’t. I don’t even- I just can’t. I was going to kill myself in the tunnels. After the Flame Alchemist. I don’t know why I didn’t.”

They didn’t even know why they were saying this. But Greed stood, slowly, and when he came over Envy was surprised that they didn’t run away. Perhaps it was the expression on his face that was keeping them there.

This surprised them even more- he didn’t say anything. He embraced them, and his body was so warm it melted them instantly, their eyes slipping closed. He couldn’t have been anywhere near the same temperature, but just then his body felt as comforting as the summer-struck rocks outside. As such, this time, they followed him as he guided them to the bed, just so they could lie down in his arms.

Greed- and Ling- both stayed silent, and so after a while Envy stopped expecting either one to speak, and they found that their own words had dried up, too. It was easy to fall asleep again, like that.


	3. Decisions Made

When they awoke again it was still dark outside, and the window was still open, and they had dreamed of nervous things they couldn’t remember and they doubted they had been asleep long. Greed was still holding them. Or maybe it was the Emperor. Warm fingers carded lightly through their hair.

What a mess they had made of themself. It was absolutely embarrassing, it was, saying all those unnecessary things. They still weren’t sure why they had done it- but that had been true for their entire life, they had never been able to control their emotions, even the fun ones. Maybe, it had been to see what Greed would do- see if they could make themself pathetic enough that he would reject them. It didn’t seem to have worked.

Envy pulled back from the embrace, and Greed looked down, his eyes clearing like they had been in an open trance. He smiled, but it seemed a halfhearted kind of smile.

“Hey, baby.” he said. Envy cringed.

“How long did I sleep?” they asked, unsure if they should look him in the eyes. Greed shrugged.

“Just over an hour, I would say. You can sleep some more, if you want. Morning is a ways off.”

Envy hummed, not a real reply, but they didn’t feel especially tired anymore. They had already slept too much today, like a cat. Now they were over-aware of the silk blanket where it touched their skin, the heat of Greed’s arms, the night air. They always screwed things up, didn’t they? They suddenly wished there was someone around, something to play with- someone like Dr. Marcoh. He had been just wonderful. Seeing him snivel in his cell had been _so_ good for stress...until he had gotten out...and they had gone after him...and so many problems had come from _that._

Envy cringed again at the memory, visibly this time, and Greed was quick to react as they covered their face with their hands, and instantly they knew they shouldn’t have said what they had said before falling asleep.

“Hey, hey, sweetheart...what is it? Talk to me,” he said, and even his lowlife, thug accent didn’t hide how worried he sounded. He couldn’t be making this up. He wasn’t a good liar- he wasn’t a liar at all. Unless he had changed even more than they had thought, and they doubted that.

“It’s nothing,” Envy mumbled into their hands. “Just thinking.”

“Tell me,” he murmured, and though it had been comforting before, the heat of his embrace had become stifling, and they had to sit up, push him away. How hopeless they were. They couldn’t handle getting anything they wanted. They couldn’t even look at him, because of the feelings in his eyes.

“I didn’t know that,” Greed said to their back after some silence had passed. “I didn’t know that you had thought about…doing that.”

“Are you surprised?” they said to the open window, and the cold, wet air coming through it, ruffling the curtains. “You knew what I was like. Even before you left. It’s hardly the first time I thought about it- certainly not the first time I _tried.”_

They had tried, yes. What a silly thing to do, that’s what Father had said, and he had always stopped them, made sure it wasn’t _permanent._ But he couldn’t have stopped them back then, when the alchemists had been staring them down. They would have really done it, and yet they hadn’t. They didn’t think they could tell Greed this, not with how he was acting. He had sat up and his hands were hovering in the air, like he wanted to but was afraid to touch them.

“I didn’t- I guess I-” he was fumbling even with air. “...I was an idiot back then.”

Envy shrugged and stood, causing Greed to gasp softly behind them, which was a little pleasing in spite of everything, but all they did was close the window. It had started to rain outside.

“I was a fool,” Greed continued, almost under his breath. “and very selfish. All I did was pursue material gain, like Father had thought I would...though I was never really what he wanted.”

Envy didn’t dare look back at him just yet. With sharpened eyes they could see every raindrop as it hit the glass before their nose, and beyond it treetops stirring with the wind, the wings of an owl. 

“I started to change after I ran away. I realized something...that even though I wanted everything, what I wanted most was...to be close to people.”

Envy did look back at him then, tentative, but he was looking at his hands now so they didn’t have to meet his eyes.

“The chimeras,” they mumbled, and heard him hum an agreement, and inside something curled uncomfortably as they remembered what Wrath had done to _them._

“And I also realized that I could change.”

He looked up and Envy actually flinched, the look in his eyes was so powerful, it was like a strike of lightning directed right at them. Cowering in the darkness by the window, they were afraid of what would happen if they went back to him, in the light and the soft, inviting bed. Should they throw the window back open and leave, now? Leave forever? They could, they always could do that, there was nothing to stop them and no one who could bring them back…

“I bet you think we can’t. Because we were made to be a certain way- but we can. I did.”

“No,” Envy said instead of leaving. “You don’t understand. I _can’t_ control it-” here they tapped their chest, mirroring Ling from before, their treacherous heart- “I’m not like you.”

Greed started to stand and Envy was frozen, caught between urges to run to him and to run away. They couldn’t even stop looking at him anymore. Had he always glowed like that?

“Maybe,” he said, walking over to the window with measured steps, “but I hope not.”

“You _want,”_ Envy growled, squeezing instinctively closer to the glass.

“Damn right,” Greed said, his voice containing the first few notes of a laugh. “I want to be happy, and I want everyone around me to happy, too. I don’t want to lose you.”

The smile on his face faded in degrees, and now he was close enough to touch, so of course he did- he couldn’t help himself, warm hands finding the cold skin of their shoulder, the back of their neck. He pressed his face into their hair, and Envy felt trapped.

“Please be alright,” he whispered in their ear, a prayer to some god that wasn’t them. “Please don’t ever think that way again…”

Envy suddenly couldn’t stand this, something snapped in their chest like an elastic pulled too tight and they snarled, pushing him away. He was so light, really, it was easy. He looked surprised with his ass planted on the floor, and in a better state of mind they might have laughed, but instead they bared their teeth.

_“Don’t look down on me,”_ they hissed, their hands curling into claws. “And stop being so _soft._ I _hate_ you, Greed! I hate _everything!”_

They twisted the latch on the window so hard it broke, forcing it open again, and though Greed tried to shout something they didn’t hear it, launching themself into the wind. They didn’t become a dragon this time, but instead something more like the Amestrian mythological roc- an enormous thunderbird, strong enough to temper the wind and rain because they were one with it.

On these monstrous wings, in the blackness of that storm, they left the lights of the palace behind them. They didn’t look back.

They flew until they found dawn at the top of a mountain- becoming themself to see it, every muscle in their body ached, worked to exhaustion beating the wind at such high speeds. They were too heavy to fly for so long, they had known that, and now they paid the price in a pain that dug down into their bone marrow.

But they didn’t cry. They might have cried during the flight, in the way that birds cried, they weren’t sure, but they felt just as drained as if they had bawled for hours. The aches of muscle exhaustion were not an unpleasant kind of pain- not like being stabbed, or worse, _burned._ It was almost soothing.

The light of the sun was blinding as it came over the horizon. Watching it, they thought very little for a while.

It would be alright, maybe, if they could stay like this. They felt clear headed, but they barely thought at all. Up here, even with nothing to distract them but the air and the rising light, everything that was wrong with them didn’t seem to matter nearly as much.

And even more importantly- their feelings had settled, somewhat. The roulette had slowed its spin, and the colours of the pockets had dimmed. Perhaps the exercise had done this, or the crying which may or may not have happened, or maybe both. Maybe it was confessing so much to Greed, so many things they hadn’t realized they would be able to articulate.

But remembering that wasn’t embarrassing, not just then. They felt pleasantly detached, their vision clear- and as such, they knew that usually they were insane. Look, in just one uneventful day they had gone from anxious rumination to glee to despair to wild hatred- and each in so pure a pigment the intensity was blinding. And as always, they could barely manage what came out of their mouth, whether it was foolish boasting or confessing things they didn’t understand. Father had designed them so poorly. It was a miracle they had lasted as long as they did.

And would it be so terrible to last a little longer?

As the sky above them turned blue, and Envy lay stretched out on the mountain rocks, they thought about what Greed had said. He _had_ changed. They were surprised he was aware of it. Of course, humans changed all the time, but the homunculi weren’t supposed to- they had been made static, like sculptures, a still picture of one concept only. One flaw to be consumed with.

But it wasn’t that Greed was no longer _greedy,_ the clay that formed him was the same but somehow, he had managed to warm it up again (under the fires of his experiences, or even just those of his personality), discard the mold Father had given him, make himself into a new shape.

This all sounded exhausting. And it meant that no matter what, Envy would always be _green._

…

...but maybe, it would be nice.

By then the sun was inching its way towards the center of the earth, and the warming rocks felt good on their stiffening muscles, and they were reminded of the people in the gardens and they laughed out loud. Now that was another thing! Why had they been so hesitant to embrace it? It was a wonderful opportunity!

The red dawn was still seared into their eyes, and it was to that they should have looked all along, instead of being obsessed with the darkest parts of the night still festering behind them. This was Xing, a huge land filled to the brim with its own secrets and mysteries and histories completely distinct. In this world, they were not a homunculus, not the middle child in a family of monsters, not the _worm._ Here, they were something else entirely, and the thought overwhelmed them with a glee so penetrating they curled in on themself and laughed, even though it hurt to do so.

A sound caught Envy’s ears then- wooden wheels, the shuffling of clothes, things separate from the ambiance of nature. They realized they were lying next to a path- in the dark, they hadn’t seen it, but this mountain had the efforts of man imprinted on it. It must have been home to one of Xing’s orders of cloud-dwelling monks.

They tried to sit up, but doing that and stifling their laughter at the same time was hard. They probably looked absolutely feral, but they couldn’t help it, even as the source of the sound rounded a pile of stones and came into view- it was a little old man, one dressed in the distinctive colours of the order, pushing a cart of coloured silks. His skin was darkened and leathery, no doubt from years of traveling these paths, and the curve of his spine made him even shorter than Envy was. When he saw them he stopped, clearly shocked, what? Had he never run across such a cute, scantily-clad _monster_ on his travels before? Haha. In the morning light, they were sure they were almost blinding.

“Are you alright?” he called, his voice surprisingly carrying over the wind, and Envy laughed at him, their own voice even clearer.

“Of course I’m alright. I’m _fine,_ everything’s _fine,_ and the sun will rise again tomorrow!” This they said with a brightness that seemed to come from some terrible place inside, they clearly alarmed the monk, and the sight of his frightened face gave them a pleasure they almost couldn’t believe. When was the last time they had felt this good? During Ishval, it must have been. Another place where the sun had been hot and the wind high and they had been something close to free.

“...what are you?” The monk asked, and they knew he must think they were a spirit, something risen from legend. They licked their teeth and grinned at him, about to say some pointless thing, and then they paused- to their surprise, they were standing at a crossroads, here. They could leave- keep flying East, fly to the end of the world or whatever lay beyond it. They could become a myth, something that people only saw in fleeting glimpses at dusk, they could burn themselves down to nothing and never speak sane words again. If they wanted to, they could tell this little man anything- that they were a god, or a fire fox, or a great thunderbird as they had been last night. They could even tell him the truth. It wouldn’t matter. They could say any of these things and then they would be free the way the wind was and it would all be over. Or…

Even as they thought of these things, Envy knew they wouldn’t say them. Freedom was alright, but they could never handle being alone.

And it wasn’t like it would be bad. He loved them, after all.

So to answer the little man Envy tossed their head back, like they were proud, and with the fierceness blooming in their veins maybe that wasn’t a lie, like before.

“I’m the Emperor’s _dragon,”_ they crowed, and with how their eyes and skin glittered they knew he believed them. “So you’d better pay some _fucking respect!”_

They weren’t even angry, but they said it like that anyway so he would flinch, and they cackled. And they weren’t so tired anymore that they couldn’t put on a decent show, like they had before- like they planned to do from now on.

When they were massive and beautiful and covered in scales that shone like emeralds in the sun, they roared, a sound that filled the mountain air and splintered it like candy glass. Something to leave so that when this one told the other monks what he had seen, they would believe him. Everyone would believe them. It wasn’t a legend anymore- they had decided that much. Every lie was the truth until proven otherwise. And hell, even the Emperor agreed!

As fast as their winding shape could take them they flew back to the palace, this time lower to the ground, letting their tail skim treetops, whirling around the spires of human architecture. They wanted to be seen, and remembered, the Xing sun making them more powerful than the depths of Father’s Underground ever had.

When they made it back they felt incandescent- like they had lit themself on fire and burned through until all they had left were hollow crystals for bones. The sun was starting to tip back towards the horizon.

They found Greed in the rock garden, sighting him by air- he was all alone, and so tiny from up there, but they knew him anyway. They turned back into themself a little too high up in the air, it was a mistake but they didn’t care, and when they landed in the perfect granite circle on heavy limbs it cracked down the middle.

“Oops,” they tried to say, breathless, but almost instantly Greed was on them, smothering them in an embrace that was strangely, almost cool- maybe they really had been on fire, up there.

_“Envy,”_ he whispered in their ear, and in spite of it all they hugged him back, realizing that after all the things they had said to him the night before he must have feared the happenings of their disappearance. He must have thought that they had been planning to leave him forever, one way or another.

“I don’t hate you,” they mumbled into his shoulder. “That was a lie.” Probably. 

Greed only held them closer.

“I won’t go away again,” they continued. “I told an old man I was a dragon, and so-”

Greed pulled back abruptly then, and for a second they saw that his eyes were wet, and then he kissed them, a crushing, possessive kiss that made them shiver. This was surely the right decision after all.

When he released them again it was for inspection, drawing away to touch them all over, like he was afraid they might have been hurt in some impossible way. Slowly and surely the wrinkle in his brows started to relax, the tense frown scarring his lips began to soften, and before long he was looking at them just for the sake of looking.

It was a little embarrassing to meet a gaze like that, and so Envy let their eyes wander, catching a glitter in the broken stone circle- their golden ball. Greed must have brought it outside.

“That’s mine,” they said pointlessly, stooping to pick it up, and as they did so they realized how utterly exhausted they were- even pretend muscles had a limit that could be reached, and when they straightened they swayed.

“No, it’s mine,” said Greed, and when they looked at him he smiled. “And so are you.”

Envy snorted, but his smile was returned, on just the corners of their lips.

“Yeah, well. I want to take a bath.”

Greed leaned in again to kiss their forehead, their cheek.

“We’ll run a big one, then. After all, you are my dragon.”

To that, they laughed.


End file.
